Give me liberty and give me death As one's mortality swings into view, be thankful for life -- and whiskey.

By P.J. O'Rourke
September 28, 2008

I looked death in the face. All right, I didn't. I glimpsed him in a crowd. I've been diagnosed with cancer, of a very treatable kind. I'm told I have a 95% chance of survival. Come to think of it -- as a drinking, smoking, saturated-fat hound -- my chance of survival has been improved by cancer.

I still cursed God, as we all do when we get bad news and pain. Not even the most faith-impaired among us shouts: "Damn quantum mechanics!" "Damn organic chemistry!" "Damn chaos and coincidence!"

I believe in God. God created the world. Obviously pain had to be included in God's plan. Otherwise we'd never learn that our actions have consequences. Our cave-person ancestors, finding fire warm, would conclude that curling up to sleep in the middle of the flames would be even warmer. Cave bears would dine on roast ancestor, and we'd never get any bad news and pain because we wouldn't be here.....

A young executive was driving down the street in a panic because he had
an important meeting and couldn’t find a parking place. Looking up to
heaven he said, “Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place
I will go to Church every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up
Whiskey”.

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

The young executive looked up again and said, “Never mind, I found
one.”

http://www.dieselsweeties.com/archive/3

How NOT to protect your car from a hurricane

Posted Sep 15th 2008 8:34AM by Dan Roth
Filed under: Time Warp, Etc., Humor

t's not funny. Okay, maybe it's worth a chortle. It's also likely not effective, but if you don't want your early '90s vintage Buick Century to be washed or blown away by nature's fury, you try stuff. Besides, if you're in the midst of an evacuation frenzy, what do you really have time to do? It looks like this owner had the opportunity to toss a carpet on the roof and use what looks like a garden hose to hopefully keep the Buick from washing into the next county.....
http://www.autoblog.com/2008/09/15/how-not-to-protect-your-car-from-a-hurricane/

http://comics.com/comics/knightlife/archive/knightlife-20080817.html

A lawyer's dog, running around town unleashed, heads for a butcher shop and steals a roast. The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers, "Absolutely."

"Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today."

The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50. The butcher, having a feeling of satisfaction, leaves.

Three days later, the butcher finds a bill from the lawyer: $100 due for a consultation.

---

http://comics.com/comics/knightlife/archive/knightlife-20080828.html

http://comics.com/creators/dinetteset/archive/dinetteset-20080816.html

A great deal has been said about Gov. Palin and the situation with her daughter. I watched how the family treated the young man that got the daughter pregnant and how they handled this very difficult situation. Many people blamed the mother in this situation and although I don't blame either parent, I believe father's bare more responsibility in these situation than mothers do. It should be fathers telling their girls "No you are not going out in that!" It should be fathers saying "You are too young to have a serious relationship." It should be fathers telling their girls, "I know you may like that boy but, I don't think he is right for you." And it should be fathers that scare away the rift raft. Now if some young man made it through the barriers I have set up and broke my trust and deflowered my young daughter and got her pregnant there would be HELL to pay, especially if I had another daughter at home. I would cut off his Manhood and put pictures of myself on Myspace, Facebook , Youtube ect., holding them high over my head, roaring a primal scream as a warning to any boy even thinking of coming near my other daughter.