A New York lawyer went duck hunting in eastern North Carolina. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an older man asked him what he was doing. The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything!
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things here in North Carolina. We settle small disagreements like this with the NC Three-Kick Rule."
The lawyer asked, "What is the NC three-Kick Rule?"
The Farmer replied. "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."
The New York attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old southerner. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His next too kicks caused the lawyer so much pain that he just about gave up. However, the New York lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old redneck southerner, now it's my turn."
The old North Carolina farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."

Not unlike my Son

This little boy in this video is a lot like my youngest Son. This is an old commercial but it is priceless

My 16 year old niece was out of town and my daughter had asked where she was. My wife said that Alysha was at Senior Camp. My daughter could not quite wrap her head around this and said "Huh Senior Camp why aren't Mumsie and Popsie there?" "Elaine", my wife says "it is like Youth camp for the young kids, Senior camp is for teenagers. To that Elaine replied "Oh I thought it was for seniors, like old people, like Mumsie and Popsie.

I have recently taken up running to try and decrease my ever expanding girth. I hate running to begin with, so thought that I would do some sprints, to not put my aching Achilles tendons though too much strain. Well I did my first sprint at about 80 to 85 percent full speed. This felt good. I walked to my original starting point to catch my breath and started my second sprint. I felt great. I wasn't straining. I wasn't winded. Everything was fine. I was coming up to the finish line I created and SNAP!! CRACKLE!! PLOP!! The PLOP is when after I pulled my hamstring I came crashing to the ground. So I was lying in the middle of the street in front of my house thinking, this is not good. I think at some point I need to get up before a car comes and how am I ever going to make it to work. After a few minutes I managed to stand to my feet and move off of our communal driveway. I thought of crying out for my wife to come get me but realized that everyone in the house was asleep and I was on my own. I slowly make my way onto my patio and into the house. My heart is racing and I feel nauseous. It hurts to stand and it hurts to sit. I lie down on my living room floor until after the pain in my thigh subsides a bit and my breathing becomes more regular. I then get up and attempt to mount the stairs. First I tried to walk up but as soon as I put any weight on my leg it buckled under the pain. Strike one! So then I tried to crawl up the stairs but my leg hurt if I bent it. Strike 2!!! I finally devised a plan whereby I would climb the stairs by sitting down and pushing up with my good leg. I did this until I reached the top of the stairs and then used the banister to pull myself up. Victory was mine.