I went to the Doctor today to have them check on my eczema, next thing I know he is having me lay on my side facing the wall. I hear this squirting sound which I assume is KY and I ready myself for the worst. When he jammed his finger up my rear and started to feel around any faint thought of ever going gay were completely obliterated from my mind. I had to go home wash the KY out of my rear and it still hurts. I now fully appreciate the gravity of what someone means when they say that they are going to rip someone a new one, because I feel like that is just what the Doctor did to me.

My mission to embarrass my kids

The other day I went to take out the trash. I opened the back door and threw the trash in the trash can. My son seeing that I was standing there in just boxers and a large protruding belly, cried out if anyone sees you, let them know that you are my uncle from Africa.