I told him about dating Lindsey Lohan

When my son and I go shopping for pants

Have I ever told you how much I like cats :D

Dirty Bird!!

The other day my 3 year old is walking around the house with his pants half down and a whole lot of crack showing. My wife saw him and told him to pull up his pants. He replied "No mom I am trying to be like dad"

I tried this with my kids but it didn't work. Well it kind of worked but in reverse. They took a live dog and turned it into a dead one... (Not true just a joke)

The wifes idea of spending quality time together

MARRIED LIFE - OLDIE BUT GOODIE

MAKES MY EYES TEAR UP, SUCH A HAPPY ENDING !

A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.

So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."
"Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face," he answered. I'm going to have a beer."
The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany , Holland , Japan , India , etc.
The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, Yes, Lollipop... but at the bar... You know... they have frozen glasses... "
He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long. I'll be! right back. I promise. OK?"
"You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and little quiches.
"But my sweet honey... at the bar you know there's swearing, dirty words and all that..."

"You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? LISTEN UP Mr.!! SIT YOUR A$$ DOWN, SHUT THE H*LL UP, DRINK YOUR BEER IN YOUR FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR HORS D'OEUVRES BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED A$$ ISN'T GOING TO A D@MN@D BAR! THAT S**T IS OVER, GOT IT, JACKASS?"

and....they lived happily ever after.

Isn't that a sweet story???